A few months ago I picked up the novel The Myth of You and Me. It's a story about two girls who used to be best friends, but had a falling out and haven't spoken in years. Then one contacts the other, and it takes off from there. Will they reunite? Can they be friends again? etc. At the end of the novel there's this link to the author's web page. On the page it asks for the readers to share their stories about friends that they're no longer close to. I considered posting one, but ultimately couldn't decide which friend I'd choose. My 10 year old bff, my 13 year old one, or what about my best friend in high school(we're close now, but there was that year we weren't)? I never posted.
At the time I read the novel, I longed for that kind of loss. Yes, it's weird to long for a loss, but I did. Only for a second. I'm starting to wonder though, if that's why these things happened. That moment of longing...the thoughts out there in the universe waiting to manifest.
I still don't know who I'd pick, but I've been thinking about 2 friends recently. One because essentially our friendship has ended. It was abrupt, and I still don't know why it happened. I'm not sure if I should lament it. Sure I'll think of the road trip up to Madrid, the times I let her stay over at a moments notice because her family problems had exploded. I figure most of my frustration stems from not knowing, and not being able to say what it is I need to. I emailed her after she stopped returning my calls. But nothing, it remains unopened. I'm reminded of a quote from Beaches where CC Bloom says "If you had even answered one, just one! Told me what a jerk I was, anything! But you didn't. You took your friendship away without even discussing it with me."
The other friend is the subject of my latest piece of work (which shall be work shopped tomorrow). We were never really close, there were moments I suppose. It would be unfair to blame her entirely, I could have made the effort. I did not though, I would have been trying to be friends with the person she no longer wanted to be. She is somebody else entirely now. I think I miss the friend she could have been. This piece though, focuses on the unraveling of the friendship. It was easy to pinpoint those moments, the turning points.
2 comments:
I think with your last friend, that happens with a lot of relationships. We love the person they are when we meet them, but they change and we don't want to end the relationship because we still love the person they were, and force ourselves to see a little bit of that person in the person they are now. Like a little bit of hope that the person they were will come back.
Amber, I think you're right. And I think that's why when we were "close,"I never said exactly what I thought, because there were moments where she was a decent friend. I don't see her anymore, because we live in different places, but there are times where I wish I could say, that I thought she was a good person at times, but then those times became few and far between.
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