"Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade."

I figure if you tell a story enough times then you're bound to run into someone, who interprets it the way you worry it really happened. Like today at lunch I was talking to a friend and I was telling her about this boy and something that had happened between us. I've told this story to tons of people all who have a generally upbeat response. They also tend to interpret it the way I do, making it a positive. She however did not. Her response made me feel like I was silly for interpreting it the way I did. Granted her response has been the only one of that kind. But I have to wonder why is that one that sticks out?

I'm frustrated because it's like her saying my interpretation was never possible. (which in turn feeds into my insecurities). But it's not just my interpretation. My friend who was there agrees with me, another friend who saw me interact with this boy stated at the time that things seemed good.

I guess my major point is why do people who weren't there while it was happening, weren't aware of what was happening at the time, comment like they were there or were aware? It isn't just this scenario either. There are others. A couple of posts ago I vented on people thinking I acted blindly when it came to another boy. Granted this boy wasn't prince charming, but at the same time I have one friend who likes to just reduce him and his actions to one scenario. I find this extremely frustrating because no one is one dimensional(even the people I don't like and rant about), and reducing someone to one dimension is unfair. Especially since that can be turned on them. I mean how would you like to be known as the frigid bitch, the insane-o stalker, the delusional dame, just because you behaved a certain way in one situation? I know I'd hate it. I know I do.

Just a girl

The summer before my senior year of high school Newsweek printed this article Meet The Gamma Girls Newsweek Culture Newsweek.com. It's about the three types of girls that exist within girl culture: the Alpha females, the Betas, and the Gammas. According to the article, the alpha female is best characterized by the various incarnations of high school girls Kirsten Dunst portrayed (this was around her Bring it On days). The alpha is able to find a balance between being "bitchy and nice". The beta is the wannabe alpha, doing whatever she can to get people to like her. Then we have the focus of this article, "The Gamma Girl". According to the author of the article the Gamma girl pretty much walks on water. She's pretty, funny, smart, involved in sports and her community, she has her own ideas. She's made of awesomeness.

I'll be honest, when read the article at 16 I was thrilled by the idea of the Gamma Girl because I identified with her. In the original article they had this chart of who each girl could be compared to Hollywood-wise, a list of her "interests", and a brief description of her. "She loves Shakespeare!" Check. "She thinks Gwen Stefani rocks!" Check. "Her Hollywood crush is Tobey Maguire!" ...errr Check?! My favorite part was the ideal Gamma Girl, Julia Stiles. Oh, how I adored Julia Stiles (and still do).

I found this article at work today, and I began thinking about the whole concept of Alphas vs Betas and Gammas (who avoids competing with alphas and betas). I've been thinking about these labels the past couple of months. Usually I applied them to men as I had been watching The Pickup Artist, which basically transforms beta males into alpha males (or so they say...more on that in another post). In the article, example of the "alpha female" is a blond narcissist, who will basically do anything to remain popular, and appears to have zero intellectual capabilities. This characterization contradicts the description on the handy little chart they provide us with, which tells us the alpha is aiming for a Ivy education (Princeton), and is heavily involved with student council. Hmm. Perhaps, the girls the article (not the chart, mind you) deemed as "alphas" are really "betas"?

I'm beginning to wonder if there are any real alpha females out there, or if we label the pretty betas "alphas" because they whip their claws out to keep others in their place. Let's think about it, would and actual alpha who can maintain a balance between being "bitchy and nice" (re:be assertive), resort to catty passive-aggressive ways? Would popularity matter to her? Honestly? What if the gamma girl, is really Miss Alpha in disguise? Maybe she got tired of some vapid eternal adolescent trying to compete with her, so she took herself out of the race by creating a new category.

Life happens

Have you ever realized that you really wanted something only after you've received it? What if you only went after something because you knew you'd regret it if you did nothing? Maybe that's your only motivation, a life without regret. Maybe it interferes with your plans, but you figure why not chance it? Let's say you got it, and you were overjoyed. Surprise, surprise.

Jose: My grandmother used to say, "You want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans."

That's the opening line from the award winning film Bella (go see it if you haven't). I've been thinking about that line, because things, are certainly not going as planned. I'm not sure they ever have. Usually, though it's just one area of my life, and usually it's not THAT good. The love I didn't end up with, the job I didn't get, not being in grad school right now (because I don't graduate 'til the middle of this month), all these things didn't happen...and they've lead me to where I am today. So I guess my question is, where is this new thing going to lead me? This thing I wasn't sure I wanted until I go it. How does it add up in the long run?