One of my closest friends is in love. I can hear it in her voice when she talks about him. Her feelings for him are expressed in her notes to me,even if she just mentions him briefly. This isn't just a crush. It's not just like. She's not one of those girls who will convince themselves they really like someone in order to avoid the loneliness. However like anyone on the brink of something big and wonderful, she is slightly apprehensive.
The other night I told her to enjoy these shiny feelings, and not to let anyone take them away from her. I also told her not to tarnish them with her own doubt. I hope she doesn't. I hope she keeps them for as long as she can, because sometimes it seems like those feelings of hope and bright-eyed wonderment don't come along often. She is also lucky because this relationship hasn't been previously tainted with anything negative. In this I envy her.
The last time I really liked someone, I told one of my friends about him and she replied with something really off putting. There was no encouragement, no happiness in my hopefulness. And this was before the shit hit the fan, when things were still new, when there seemed to be some sort of chance. Her comment haunted me throughout that year. It still haunts me. I never understood why she couldn't have said something helpful. I suppose she thought she was being realistic, but to me she was just being negative and raining on my parade.
On her blog, Bella discussed how some people imply that they will support you all the way, if all the way means you'd do what they would do. I was some what relieved to see that someone else was having this problem because I've been feeling this way about various friends lately. I understand that at some point one or more of our friends is going to like/date/marry someone we don't like, but until the shit hits the fan shouldn't be we be happy for them and more importantly allow them their happiness?
I think Bella nailed it. I'm reminded of a comment another friend made to one of our mutual friends (who then told me), when the guy I liked had not been great. She said she "was glad Miss M finally saw what an asshole he was, even though we knew it all along." I was more annoyed that the mutual friend relayed the comment to me than I was about the comment. Although, I will say...I was aware, I chose to like him anyway. My friend who was there from the beginning knows this.
Anyway, in the past I have been very upfront about how I feel about a friends boyfriend, but I learned at 18 that it's something people have to figure out on their own. I also learned that you have to hope for the best outcome in the situation, because they're you're friends and they deserve to be happy.
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