Once upon a time, (or possibly twice) a facebook friend (ok, it was two friends) complained via their status about the quizzes their friends constantly posted to waste time. I pointed out on each occasion that the quizzes weren’t necessarily a symptom of procrastination, but maybe more about narcissism. That shut them up. Part of me likes to think it’s because if you have a facebook/myspace/bebo/lj/blog then you just might have to admit to yourself that you like to think that people care THAT much about you.
Let’s be honest the internet is a narcissist’s wet dream with various social networking sites, youtube, and of course the blog; and because everyone else is doing it, we can pretend that in reality it isn’t really all about us. Most people that you’re friends with on Facebook, don’t want to see you in your ill-fitting black spaghetti strap on various nights out. If your photos pop-up on our homepage, we’re probably wondering why you always wear black and badly tailored clothing (or maybe not). But I digress, this is all about quizzes invading the homepage and forcing people to learn all about us! Or, what we think we’re like anyway (which in some cases is very different from one another).
I am curious as to who takes the quizzes seriously though. One of my friends recently took one where the result stated they were empathetic, socially aware, and observant. I kept thinking, “ummm, no they aren’t!” While I embrace the “me, me, me” attitude, I say it should stop at thinking we’re way better than we actually are.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Come on over
A few nights ago, my friend and I were doing this mental exercise. I find it to be a motivational tool especially when I find myself floundering. The whole principle of the exercise is to help you figure out what you want out of life, where you want to be, etc.
It's starts off with the place you live in, the color of the walls, the things you have in each room.
One thing that I like to do is figure out who comes to visit me, who calls me, whether or not I live alone. I've started to wonder about how much this says about the people I value and who I feel values me.
Back home over the winter I got to see two of my friends who because of circumstance I am rarely able to get in contact with. However in each relationship we make the effort to find sometime to get together, whether it be for coffee, dinner, wandering around the mall...if there's a minute of time we'll find a way to squeeze the other in. When I am with them I feel like a better person, they have such a radiant energy around them that it's hard to feel blue in their presence. I think chilling with them made me realize what I want to change about the friendships I have at the moment.
I have good friends, I am lucky that the ones who know me best, know that I value them. They know me inside and out, and have for years. They've seen me cry or have commented on my lj when I thought no one would listen. They were with me in high school, they're my movie buddies. They know what I let slide and what I do not stand for. They know my skills and my weaknesses and they know that I'm aware of them as well.
In my mind, I see those people in my house. I see myself having them over for Sunday brunch in the backyard, or maybe one or two of them over for a movie and Junk food.
I suppose all that matters is that I know who they are, and they know that I feel like that about them. The rest, whatever their ideas might be, will find out soon enough.
It's starts off with the place you live in, the color of the walls, the things you have in each room.
One thing that I like to do is figure out who comes to visit me, who calls me, whether or not I live alone. I've started to wonder about how much this says about the people I value and who I feel values me.
Back home over the winter I got to see two of my friends who because of circumstance I am rarely able to get in contact with. However in each relationship we make the effort to find sometime to get together, whether it be for coffee, dinner, wandering around the mall...if there's a minute of time we'll find a way to squeeze the other in. When I am with them I feel like a better person, they have such a radiant energy around them that it's hard to feel blue in their presence. I think chilling with them made me realize what I want to change about the friendships I have at the moment.
I have good friends, I am lucky that the ones who know me best, know that I value them. They know me inside and out, and have for years. They've seen me cry or have commented on my lj when I thought no one would listen. They were with me in high school, they're my movie buddies. They know what I let slide and what I do not stand for. They know my skills and my weaknesses and they know that I'm aware of them as well.
In my mind, I see those people in my house. I see myself having them over for Sunday brunch in the backyard, or maybe one or two of them over for a movie and Junk food.
I suppose all that matters is that I know who they are, and they know that I feel like that about them. The rest, whatever their ideas might be, will find out soon enough.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Knowing me, knowing you
A few years ago I received an email with the message "people always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." I've always felt this is true, and I remember who I associated that statement with at the time (and I'm still trying to figure out that reason). Lately I've been thinking how do we know who is supposed to be in our lives and who isn't? It's no longer a simple thing of them moving away, or losing touch. Our society is now set up so we can know what our friends are doing 24/7. So who's really our friend? Is it the person who comments on our myspace/facebook page once or twice a month (or every three months)? Is it the one who sends us the weekly update via email but yet we have no emotional connection?
Recent events have but this on my mind. Are we keeping people in our lives who don't really belong there, because of technology? Does the Internet create a false sense of intimacy with people?
I'm not talking about people we meet over the net; some of the people who know my most personal thoughts are people I met over the net. Some of them know me better than people who I was friends with and saw on a daily basis.
I suppose that's the other thing, there are people we can see practically everyday of our lives, who are our "friends" and yet they don't really know who we are. Is it because we hide our true selves or aspects of ourselves from them? If so, why? Are we afraid that they won't understand that part of us and in turn may reject us? Or is it really none of their business? Are they friends on a need to know basis, and if so are those people really our friends?
The last couple of months I've run into people who consider me to be a friend, but really I'm not. I'm a friend to them when it's convenient for them to have me in their lives, which is fine if we can both be up front about. If we know that neither of us is really gonna make the effort to keep in contact, except when we have time then we know we can't be upset when certain events don't make it into that monthly update.
The friend of convenience is different from those who are able to come in and out of your lives. There's no "you're my friend now because____" undertone. Over winter break I met with one of my friends Ms. G and we talked about how you can be close with someone and then down the line you don't know how to operate around them. You can no longer be open about what you think, who you are, and how you feel about them. That's a sad situation, but it happens, and so do we let them go?
On the other hand some people can come in and out of your life and it's like they were never gone. We (Ms. G and I) are those people to each other. I went three years unable to get a hold of her (and vice versa), and then one day things fell into place and we met up. Ever since then we've known we can come and go physically from each others world, but if one of us needs the other one, we'll be there in a heartbeat (whether or not it's convenient). She is definitely a keeper.
So what kind of people do we want for friends? How can we root out the acquaintances who feel they "know" us because they once did, however many years ago?
I think it comes down to who encourages us to be a better person and who wants to actively participate in our life and watch us grow. The lifetime friends will let their presence be known. But the others, the reason, and the season, maybe we should let them go once their time is done...just maybe.
Recent events have but this on my mind. Are we keeping people in our lives who don't really belong there, because of technology? Does the Internet create a false sense of intimacy with people?
I'm not talking about people we meet over the net; some of the people who know my most personal thoughts are people I met over the net. Some of them know me better than people who I was friends with and saw on a daily basis.
I suppose that's the other thing, there are people we can see practically everyday of our lives, who are our "friends" and yet they don't really know who we are. Is it because we hide our true selves or aspects of ourselves from them? If so, why? Are we afraid that they won't understand that part of us and in turn may reject us? Or is it really none of their business? Are they friends on a need to know basis, and if so are those people really our friends?
The last couple of months I've run into people who consider me to be a friend, but really I'm not. I'm a friend to them when it's convenient for them to have me in their lives, which is fine if we can both be up front about. If we know that neither of us is really gonna make the effort to keep in contact, except when we have time then we know we can't be upset when certain events don't make it into that monthly update.
The friend of convenience is different from those who are able to come in and out of your lives. There's no "you're my friend now because____" undertone. Over winter break I met with one of my friends Ms. G and we talked about how you can be close with someone and then down the line you don't know how to operate around them. You can no longer be open about what you think, who you are, and how you feel about them. That's a sad situation, but it happens, and so do we let them go?
On the other hand some people can come in and out of your life and it's like they were never gone. We (Ms. G and I) are those people to each other. I went three years unable to get a hold of her (and vice versa), and then one day things fell into place and we met up. Ever since then we've known we can come and go physically from each others world, but if one of us needs the other one, we'll be there in a heartbeat (whether or not it's convenient). She is definitely a keeper.
So what kind of people do we want for friends? How can we root out the acquaintances who feel they "know" us because they once did, however many years ago?
I think it comes down to who encourages us to be a better person and who wants to actively participate in our life and watch us grow. The lifetime friends will let their presence be known. But the others, the reason, and the season, maybe we should let them go once their time is done...just maybe.
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